Do You Miss It? (Big Life Change)

Last week, I posted about things I miss (and don't miss) as it relates to the specifics of island living.  Today, we tackle the bigger picture of what I miss (or don't miss) as it relates to the major changes I've made in leaving the practice of law and life in a big USA City for life on a tiny island.

So, in that context, do I miss it?  The general answer is a resounding no.  Particularly, when people ask me if I miss practicing law, I surprise even myself by answering that I haven't missed it or looked backwards AT ALL!  I mean, I miss colleagues and clients, I miss having that professional identity, I miss the ego aspects of it.  And I definitely miss the paycheck.  But that's all at a fairly low level - I really don't miss it.  

I was fortunate to be successful as a lawyer, but it was never my true calling.  Even after law school, I worked as an educational consultant before going into private practice.  I liked it well enough, but I didn't LOVE my job as a lawyer, and I didn't feel like I was REALLY making a difference in anyone's life in a way that mattered to me.  Add to that the pressures of time, politics, business development, high-stakes deals and the overall stress and exhaustion, I just don't miss it!

One of our Better Lifers, who is himself a lawyer, asked me some specifics about this in a comment to last week's post:

• "Dawn, do you miss the practice of law at all? I know that at least for awhile I would be just fine being separated from it, but having spent so much of my life in and around the law, I think it would be tough to let go, both emotionally as well as intellectually."

I touched on some of that above, but let's elaborate.  I didn't struggle at all with letting go.  That is, once the decision was made, I didn't struggle.  Keep in mind that I decided to quit my job and take a "year off" - anticipating a career change of some sort - well before I decided to visit the island, much less move here!  Any struggle I had was in leading up to that decision.  Since making the decision, having quit and eventually moved to the island, I have not struggled at all to let go.  

Emotionally, I never fully identified myself with being a lawyer anyway.  Certainly, it was my primary identity to the outside world, but because it didn't feel totally like ME, I was actually seeking to find something that was a better match.  

Intellectually, I haven't missed it either.  I am surrounded by very bright people and dynamic discussions that keep me on my toes.  I also am stretching into new areas (e.g., freelance writing) and enjoy the writing aspect.  Frankly, I'm learning so many new island-related skills and details that it's a bit of a rude awakening to realize that all my lawyer skills pale in comparison - and don't get me very far - when it comes to fishing for food, cleaning fish, driving a boat, making home/boat repairs, growing produce and so many other talents required to live well on an island.

• "I know that there are so many advantages to your situation, but have you felt the need to replace the intellectual stimulation you may have had as a lawyer with something else since you have embraced the island life?" 

I am so happy being domestic and living the island life that I haven't felt any need to replace the intellectual stimulation.  Like I said above, I am intellectually satisfied in other ways now.  Also, I'm very involved in my adopted community and put my organizational and project management skills to use in ways that feel even more rewarding (with direct impact) than I felt before.

• "Will you still keep your law license up to date, or have you permanently walked away from the profession?"

Although I don't think I would ever practice law again, I recognize that we can't predict all future events, so never say never.  However, I NEVER want to take another Bar Exam!  So, yes, I maintain my law license in the two states where I am licensed.  I've gone to inactive status to save on annual fees since I'm not practicing.

One last thing about not missing the practice of law . . . There is a distinction between not practicing anymore and not being a lawyer anymore.  I've heard some say, "Once a lawyer, always a lawyer."  (I think I've run into this most on Facebook, Twitter and blogs where there is an abundance of "former lawyers" in new careers or working as writers in some foreign land!  There are way more of us than I would have guessed.)  I still identify myself as a lawyer sometimes.  I confess, sometimes it's an ego thing because, in the face of my current unemployed and homemaker role, it gives me instant "credibility" with intellectual snobs or people who can't figure out how to pigeonhole me.  Also, the skills I learned from almost 15 years of lawyering are transferable (e.g., writing, public speaking, research, attention to detail, project management, organization and time management, etc.) so I'm still a lawyer in that sense.

And as any "non-lawyer" who is married to a lawyer knows, I will forever parse words, push for one more detail about something I'm trying to figure out, and be long-winded.  :)  Once a lawyer, always a lawyer. 

Wow, that was a lot about lawyering.  But in terms of big life changes, our careers define so much of who we are, I guess that makes sense.  Do I miss other big-picture aspects?  I don't miss big-City living at all.  To the extent I miss specific luxuries that came with City living, I addressed that last week, and I just don't miss any one thing THAT MUCH.  

Bottom line, as with all life decisions, it's all about the personal fit.  I think, as humans, we can be very adaptable.  I was able to thrive in the big City and fast lane career.  But, for me, my island life is simply a better fit with who I am and how I want to live my life - simply, surrounded by a beautiful environment (especially sea and sun), in a small community, and focusing on the things that matter most to me.

What else have I forgotten?  What other "big life picture" things do you wonder whether I miss or not?  What do you think you might miss?

How Did You End Up On An Island? Part 2

If you've been reading along with me, you'll know that the answer to Part 1 of this question involved opening myself up to broader possibilities and taking the leap of quitting my job as a lawyer.  As I wrote in that post, my job for the next year was going to be to design an exciting new life, one that was more in alignment with my true self and how I really felt inside, now that I would have the luxury of time to sift through the clutter of our hectic lives and figure mine out!

Okay, So You Quit Your Midwestern Job, But How Did You End Up On An Island?

I spent the first week of voluntary unemployment sleeping in, going to lunches and matinees with my stay-at-home-mom friends, snuggling on the couch with my darling dog, Angel, and voraciously reading books.  Or, as it helped me to think about it so that I didn’t feel too lazy, I spent my first week implementing the first component of my new plan – to just BE and decompress for a little while.

My first real order of business came quickly:  ditch winter and spend time with my family in Florida.  While there, I also planned to duck away for a week-long trip to a tiny island in the Bahamas where my family had been vacationing for 25 years.  We had even built a family home on the island, but I hadn’t visited in several years. 

Well, one week on the island turned into a month, turned into several months.  Walking into that small community of people who had known me since I was 16 was a true homecoming.  I love the small-town values combined with a sophisticated flair from an international mix of people, the indescribable beauty of the sea, the comforting warmth of the sunshine, the overwhelming peace and contentment I feel here, the pace and experiences of island living, and the time to fulfill all my domestic “nesting” leanings.

I was home.

Why go back to the cold?  Why return to the rat race?  I was HAPPY on the island.  At peace.  Satisfied.  Content.  To the core.  Sure, there were still a host of unknowns, but I quietly sensed that it would all just work itself out.  This is where Faith comes in for me.  For once, I wasn’t trying to plan every detail, and it was evolving better than I could have even imagined.  I trusted that would be the case with eventual work and other details, too.  

So, I sold off everything in the States and declared this small island my permanent home, with my U.S. base conveniently with family in South Florida.

Massive Moving Sale

I kept the beloved piano and giant sunflowers photo, but ditched the shovel and winter gear!

Amazing what you'll part with when the question becomes "Is this worth moving cross-country & paying for storage space?"

Taking stock and marking off one of my many lists during the sale/move.

Ahhh, already on my way to a Better Life!

A Word About Love

One other thing – as much as I try to protect the privacy of those close to me who may be less than enthused about their lives being broadcast in this manner (like my uber-private beau), my story is incomplete without one other critical piece.  Back on the island, I reconnected with The Great Love of My Life, a Bahamian man I had dated for 5 years more than a decade prior.  It is such a small community that I suspected I would cross paths with him when I came for my visit.  But there was so much water under our respective bridges that I wasn’t sure if we would even still be friends, much less entertain the possibility of a romantic reunion.   

However, some fires are inextinguishable.  Our love burns stronger than ever, and coming to this as wiser, more-experienced people gives us a fresh perspective and appreciation for what we have.  We are together now, and I expect we will be forever this time around. 

One of the few pics you'll see here of my beau!

Life is good.  I am so thankful every day that I followed those “illogical” nudgings.  To me, that is what Faith is all about, and mine has deepened tremendously.  I am so thankful that my Type A personality let go of my ingrained habit to plan and attempt to control every detail.  Rather, by trusting that something better would evolve for me and my loved ones, it does.  And it just keeps getting better in ways that I could not even have imagined.

Thank you for joining me on this amazing journey!  May you dare to live your life to its fullest, too.  It’s not your location that matters; it’s your state of mind!  Be open to Choosing The Better Life for yourself.  I can’t wait to hear about your journey!

How Did You End Up On An Island? PART 1

"How did you end up living on an island?"  This question is posed to me on a near-weekly basis.  The end result was a few decades in the making, so it defies any succinct answer, but I’ll give it a shot.

Where Were You Before You Moved To The Island?

After graduating law school and obtaining a Master’s Degree in Education in the Midwest, I moved to South Florida (where my parents and brother had relocated) and worked for four years as an educational/legal consultant to school districts across the southeastern United States.  Then, for a variety of reasons, I moved north to a wonderful Midwestern city that is unfortunately prone to long, grey, cold winters.  For 10 years I practiced in a downtown law firm, focusing on school law and business/transactional matters.  With everything you hear about law firms, I felt fortunate that I liked and respected my colleagues and the Firm’s clients.  Although I was not passionate about the actual work, I had found my groove, worked long hours at it, and just clicked along in the life I was living.

2009 brought a roller coaster of traumatic events in my personal life.  I regained my footing in 2010, but I began to approach life from a slightly different perspective.  I wanted to-the-core happiness.  I didn’t want to just keep going through the motions.  I sought personal fulfillment.  Blah, blah, blah.  :)  Things were calm and I was okay and life was fine.  But I felt a restlessness about me, a dissatisfaction, a haunting sense that I wasn't happy enough - if you can quantify such a thing - for the rest of my life.  I knew, or at least believed, that there had to be more to life than what I had tapped into.

So, I began to think about making some changes.  Specifically, I began to think about career change and geographic change.  

Why Did You Quit Your Job?

I started to slowly take the usual next steps associated with career/geographic change:  researching resume/CV formats for career-changers, updating my resume, contacting others to serve as references, researching other cities (particular nods to Nashville, Charleston and Wilmington), researching job opportunities in those areas, visiting and even browsing rental properties in Nashville, my top contender, and talking to a local realtor about listing my condo for sale. 

Visiting Nashville, playfully "praying for" a job teaching in Vanderbilt's College of Education, maybe my dream job?

But even with my growing interest in Nashville and exploration of other career possibilities, I kept hitting a wall.  I couldn’t bring myself to take steps much beyond thinking about it.  I couldn’t even finish my resume.  This lack of follow-through was foreign to my little organized self since I usually love to cross items off of my ever-present lists of things to do. 

Something was going on.  In wondering what was holding me back from the typical next steps, I kept feeling pulled in a direction that didn’t make sense to my logical brain . . . take a year off. 

“What?!  Take a year off?  And not have a job?  Not have a specific plan?  That is hardly a realistic option!  I’ve ALWAYS worked.  Even in college, every year I went home to waitress instead of going on a Spring Break.  Besides, I’m a responsible grown-up now.  You don’t just leave one job without having the next one lined up, especially in this economy!  Puhleez.”  My Type-A brain scoffed at the very notion. 

However, try as I might to redirect this impulse, it kept coming back to me.  Eventually, having promised myself to never again ignore those quiet nudgings that guide us from within, I finally gave in.  When I gave notice, my law partners were wonderfully supportive.  Some encouraged me to consider a leave of absence instead of a total break from employment with the Firm.  But I knew that I had to be completely untethered and relieved of all obligations or self-imposed time frames in order to make the most of my time off and really keep the options wide open.

I left my law firm early in 2011 amid tears, fears and high hopes for the unknown.  My “plan” was to simply BE for a few months, then start exploring other career/location possibilities in full force.  I’d budgeted savings to give myself an entire year off.  My job for the next year was going to be to design an exciting new life, one that was more in alignment with my true self and how I really felt inside, now that I would have the luxury of time to sift through the clutter of our hectic lives and figure mine out!

Little did I know how things would continue to unfold . . .